#1

 When first diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease I felt the need to share my journey wherever it led. It would be great therapy for me and if anyone else chose to follow along it might be of some value. But then as the weeks passed along with increasing levels of the debilitating symptoms…reality began to kill the dream. 

Although initially I had the greatest intentions to write with regularity—each time I sat down to write I couldn’t. And then I began to doubt why I should even write in the first place. There are so many great resources and places to find inspiration and spiritual strength—so why should my journey be of any value to anyone. 

In other words my desire to write crashed slowly back to earth as reality began to

pull back the covers. Most days I just didn’t feel well enough to accomplish much at all. How could I write anything when I couldn’t feel anything?  

It was during the long cold weeks of January when the harshest symptoms of the disease seemed to align concurrently throughout my body and it pushed me into a realm I hadn’t previously experienced. While enduring the other sicknesses I’ve faced in my life each has carried a general recovery timeline. In this one I couldn’t find the “happily ever after” page in any of Mayo Clinic literature.

I was beginning to believe that this was, for me, a new miserable normal; I couldn’t walk but in short shuffling steps around the house and I was reliant upon Liz in many cases to push me in a wheel chair. This disease attacks neurons in the center of the brain that controls voluntary muscle movement, balance, emotions and memory. But the related daily fatigue is the hardest of all for me. I had previously thought that Parkinson’s was a muscular disease but it’s not. It’s a progressive neurological disorder.  

One of the greatest challenges to date has been the struggle to find the proper dosage of the Parkinson’s medication. When taken at the right levels and timing it can reduces many of the debilitating symptoms. My case was such a rapid onset that the usual initial dosages simply weren’t working for me. 

During the early days of February given my sliding health the Doctors doubled the dosage amounts. Almost instantly my well-being began to improve almost in proportion to the increases. I am so grateful and I am feeling much better in recent weeks. 

One of the most powerful soul healing blessings came to me in the form of a sacrament meeting talk assignment. I was asked to share how my health trial has helped me draw closer to my Savior and his healing grace. In other words I was actually asked to write a talk targeting “the one”… and that “one” in this case was me. More than ever before I need my Saviors enabling power to abide in my soul to help me through the anticipated declining years ahead. 

In the New Testament Jesus heals the son of a widow. It is only found in Luke and doesn’t mention her name. Yet, for me, it is one of the more powerful accounts for anyone seeking God’s help and feeling desperate with no one else to turn.  

When we feel forgotten or overlooked,let’s remember: Jesus came to the widow’s aid precisely in her time of need, and He will come to us as well.

Whenever I feel that insignificance in my own life, I often think this widow in the New Testament who likely felt this way. 

A quick overview of the miracle; Jesus intercepted a burial procession and miraculously brought the widow’s only son back to life. 

Yet the bigger miracle in my mind was the background leading up to that moment. 

Nain was a poor very small farming village nestled next Mount Moreh, and access to it was very limited to a single road. It had about 30 homes and about 180 people.

We know that Jesus was in Capernaum the day before and had performed a miracle as found in Luke. The next day..Luke’s script takes us to Nain. Nain is roughly 30 miles From Capernaum. 

In order to walk from Capernaum to Nain, it would have taken a couple day journey. 

This means that Jesus possibly walked during the night in order to meet the burial procession precisely entering the cemetery. 

Luke tells us that this young man was a widow’s only child. A large group of villagers accompanied her. The tragedy was devastating…but In Old Testament culture, it was believed that when a husband died before old age, it was a sign of God’s judgment for sin. 

Not only was there spiritual and emotional pain, but this widow of Nain was also facing financial ruin even staring starvation in the face. Now that this widow’s birthright and only son was dead, she had no further financial help. 

Precisely, at the narrow window of time when the villagers were carrying this woman’s son out to be buried, Jesus met the procession and “had compassion on her”Jesus sensed the utterly desperate situation of this widow. Perhaps she had spent the night begging Heavenly Father to know why. Why am I even living any longer. 

We don’t know her desperate state but we do know that the Savior chose to leave Capernaum, when he did. 

Jesus then told the widow to “weep not”  and the procession “stood still.” He then commanded, “Young man, I say unto thee, Arise. “And he that was dead sat up, and began to speak. And delivered him to his mother”. Jesus had to have known the widows suffering from afar. 

Regardless of the depth of our mortal trials we need to embrace the idea that our Loving Heavenly Father is absolutely aware. He feels how we feel, He has already suffered for each of those pains and anguish. Each declining step we take in mortality He will be there to strengthen us to overcome. We are compelled to become humble and realize our dependence on the Atonement of Jesus Christ. If the Savior heard the cries of a widow in a far away village he will hear mine as I plead for strength in my own heartaches. 

We were on our way home from another week at the Mayo Clinic in Arizona. I had just taken a four hour cognitive test that evaluated and measures cognitive decline as a baseline/ benchmark. Unfortunately, the results were more sobering than I expected. Again, this dream-like world I’ve been living was becoming more and more real. 

We sat next to a wonderful man on the flight home who shared that he had just lost his 27-year-old son with three young children to cancer. He shared that, like me, he was struggling with thoughts of his new journey that consumed his thoughts every day since the cancer diagnosis. His advice for me was appropriate and I’ve tried to embrace it every day since; “Stay in the day,” he stated. “Stay in the day” Take advantage of everything and find joy in the day you’re living. You can’t do anything about yesterday and worrying about tomorrow doesn’t change it… so, “stay in this day.”

Lastly, I occasionally watch a YouTube broadcast where two younger men do short interviews with elderly people. One of the questions that I find fascinating is; “What advice would you give to your younger self if you had the chance?” (It’s a great question for each of us to consider)

Obviously the answers vary broadly yet there is an insightful thread through them that is profound from a gospel perspective. These are the most frequent answers from the many I’ve watched. (Not in any particular order). 

I would be kinder to others. I would be less likely to judge as harshly as I did early in my life. I would forgive more quickly and move on especially with members of my own family. My desire to amass significant material possessions is meaningless. I would focus more quality time in building and sustaining family relationships. 

I have done a ton of soul searching in recent months on the primary purposes of mortality. Although I have no life expectancy timeline the professionals I’ve talked with share that every case has its own unique path. Some survive for many years some only a few. But one thing is certain for me; This life is the time to prepare to meet God. It’s not so much about how much I do as it is what/ who I might become. 

It is intriguing to me that most of the answers from these elderly interviews comes at a time where their graduation from this life awaits around the corner. It’s in this phase of life that our life’s purpose comes more clearly into view. 

As we age we are forced to look backwards and we soon gain clarity that much of what we may have chosen in our younger years isn’t as important as might have originally believed. Yet those who choose to learn and apply the teaching of the Gospel of Jesus Christ throughout life can live every day in accordance a beautiful plan of happiness. Hence, there shouldn’t be many regrets. 

This disease is causing me to look inwardly in a whole new way and with a whole new sense of urgency. Therefore, I am incredibly grateful and I truly believe that my life on earth will be greatly enhanced because of this disease. Therefore, I will work to “stay in the day” and work to become a better person one tiny step at a time.