Surrender Not....

 Surrender not. 

A few weeks ago I took my grandson and his friends to the Grover farm. They were being rewarded for staying completely away from video games for an extended time. They could choose any destination and my grandson, Henry, convinced his friends that Grover was better than any other place on earth.   

I was so excited to show them around and go places and see things that have been iconic with the many youth groups that I have taken there. I have explored and hiked into the backcountry alongside these anxious and energetic youth each summer for over 35 years. 

But this time it was completely different. I could barely walk let alone rigorously hike up mountains and through slot canyons.

Reality killed the dream as I struggled just walking around outside without a fall.

As I drove home that weekend I saw and felt things differently. I hadn’t thrown in the towel but began the process of full acceptance of my new normal. In essence, I was surrendering to the rapid progression of Parkinsons. 

Fast forward a few weeks as I began my journey to spend a few weeks with Liz in Hawaii. She was already there. I needed wheelchair access but on that day  they didn’t have sufficient wheelchair assistants to push me into West Egypt where the B gates reside. I waited and waited for help but none came so I was forced to go-it-alone and walk that half-marathon without cheering crowds along the  byway. 

Little by little, a few steps at a time I finally made the gate only to find that we were delayed for an hour. Oh, the joys of travel! But it was during that walk that I realized a lack of urgency to stimulate behavioral change that could bless my life. I made that trek unaided. What more could I accomplish if I were to push myself more and more each day. That motivation to make my flight helped enhance an inner desire and determination to push me beyond what I thought was possible. 

The most important thing I can do to fight off this disease as long as possible is to keep moving. In addition, the only way to keep my muscles from atrophy is to exercise as much as possible. The other variable that I hadn’t yet conquered was the delicate balance of the medication, timing and dosage. When each is aligned the brain function helps reduce the terrible symptoms associated with the disease. 

My weeks in Hawaii have been miraculous. Everything aligned including the low elevation, mild temperatures and the emotional encouragement from the beauty to get outside and move. There is an incredibly beautiful trailhead  next to the house with stunningly green landscapes and visible waterfalls. I began shuffling a few hundred yards at a time each day and then exhaustedly would be forced to turned around. Those steps increased with each passing day over the weeks.

Even though I struggle to get my stiff muscles moving in the beginning of each walk I find that I can do much more and significantly longer distances with each attempt. The only major pain after each hike is the completely numb feet.(neuropathy, a symptom of Parkinson’s disease)

On each hike I found myself prayed aloud in gratitude and pure thanksgiving to feel my legs working again. Those precious functioning legs took me to familiar sites that I had given up ever seeing again. Oh, this might not sound like much of a miracle but to me it absolutely is…especially when considering that I was working hard to accept my new disabled norm. 

Parkinson’s disease affects the brain’s ability to produce Dopamine. When considering that this disease has likely been impacting my life for several years undiagnosed, it’s easy now for me to understand why I often struggled finding adequate energy and drive to keep up with the demands of the day. I now see that I was too hard on myself thinking that I was losing my edge due to either laziness or the decline that comes with aging. “Dopamine, a neurotransmitter, plays a crucial role in the brain, influencing motor control, motivation, reward, and executive functions.” Yup, that helps describe the opposition that I felt and had to overcome each day. The medication helps control the symptoms but not the progression of disease.  

The other miracle happened each time I needed to accomplish the duties of the Stake President calling. Liz and I called it the “Suit Coat Effect”. Each time I put that white shirt, tie and suit on I felt an incredible strengthening that helped me out the door to magnify my calling. As I returned home most every night from my responsibilities I would quickly crash back to my former undiagnosed self. God was good to me. He strengthened me; physically, spiritually and mentally to allow His Work and Glory to proceed even with one as weak as me. 

After a long walk as I was cooling down in Hawaii I saw a news article that Governor Spencer Cox of Utah had hosted a ribbon cutting for a pharmaceutical company that was moving from California to Utah. That company just announced a major drug breakthrough that has successfully demonstrated reaching the portion of the brain where major neurological diseases develop including Parkinsons. Now, that is potentially a massive miracle and game changer even though it will likely take years to clear the FDA hurdles for approval…at least there is finally hope. The Governor shared that his own father was diagnosed six years ago with Parkinson’s disease making this announcement much deeper for him than just another employer moving into the state. 

Why do we face such severe trials in life? 

I love the Apostle Paul in the New Testament. We know that he was a zealous leader against the Christian converts in Damascus. He had just received permission to imprison and persecute the saints from the leading priest in Jerusalem and with his ruffians he was on the road to Damascus to inflict that hate on the followers of Christ. An incredible intervention by the Savior himself appeared to him to him. “Why persecuteth thou me. I am Jesus Christ whom thou persecute.” After that intervention Paul was blinded and needed help to make his way to Damascus. There Ananias received a vision on where to find him. He was instructed to first restore his sight and then baptize and confirm Paul. The Lord instructed Ananias to also strengthen him to help prepare this chosen servant for a life long minister. At that point Paul was a much more humble and had actually seen the Savior. His testimony was sure and he desired to share his conversion with the masses in Damascus. 

His first efforts to preach the very gospel he previously despised…was not only met with rejection but with hostilities that forced him to escape the city to save his life. Yet, that was only the beginning of the persecution he would endure through the totality of his life until his martyrdom.  

In addition to that intense persecution he was also plagued by a condition he called a “Thorn of The Flesh.” No one really knows for sure what it was but many speculate that it was possibly his eye sight or some other severe physical abnormality. 

He prayed three times to have the Lord remove the “thorn” but the Lord in his wisdom chose to not answer that prayer. He shared that it was a condition that kept him humble and reliant upon the Grace of God and not in his own flesh.  Paul not only accepted that purpose but embraced it and gloried in it for the very reason God intended. Said Paul; “For when I am weak then I am strong” for the very reasons both God and Paul could see it from an eternal perspective. He rejoiced in his infirmities. 

Neil Maxwell shared;

God loves us and, loving us, has placed us here to cope with challenges which he will place before us. I’m not sure we can always understand the implications of his love, because his love will call us at times to do things we may wonder about, and we may be confronted with circumstances we would rather not face. I believe with all my heart that because God loves us there are some particularized challenges that he will deliver to each of us. He will customize the curriculum for each of us in order to teach us the things we most need to know. He will set before us in life what we need, not always what we like. And this will require us to accept with all our hearts—particularly your generation—the truth that there is divine design in each of our lives and that you have rendezvous to keep, individually and collectively.

When we see our lives and trials through God’s lens with His eternal perspective we begin to understand and embrace the purpose of our lives and the lasting positive eternal blessings that are affixed when we struggle. The blessings that have shaped my life in the past are the very challenges that have forced me to my knees where those substantial inflictions have helped refine my soul and bring me closer to my Savior, Jesus Christ. 

In conclusion, a quote from a living Prophet; Russell M. Nelson. 

“In a coming day, you will present yourself before the Savior. You will be overwhelmed to the point of tears to be in His holy presence. You will struggle to find words to thank Him for paying for your sins, for forgiving you of any unkindness toward others, for healing you from the injuries and injustices of this life.

You will thank Him for strengthening you to do the impossible, for turning your weaknesses into strengths, and for making it possible for you to live with Him and your family forever. His identity, His Atonement, and His attributes will become personal and real to you.

But you don’t have to wait until then. Choose to be one of His true disciples now. Be one who truly loves Him, who truly wants to serve and lead as He did.”

Jesus Christ is the answer to our challenges in life. He has already felt each of our personal anguishes and thusly he can strengthen us because he has been personally in our shoes. 

⁃ President Russell M Nelson. 

Breaking news from my personal front. 

One of the primary purposes of my messages is to chronicle the journey for my own history. Therefore, the extended sentences is more like a (PS) of sorts. 

I wrote the majority of this while feeling great and thus the message centered upon my incredible inclining steps recently in my personal health. It improved to miraculous new heights in just weeks…never felt since I fell off the  Parkinsons cliff this past July. 

Liz and I wanted to take one last walk up the trail to see the incredible waterfalls from the all-night rain storm. But my muscles began to stiffen and muscle spasms suddenly forced me to stop and hobble slowly back to the house. Today, I am right back in the same condition when boarding the plane to the islands.  I was all of a sudden; Stiff and sore with major balance issues and neuropathy that feels like needles stabbing into my feet and legs. Yet my heart remains full….because of the glorious month that I was gifted to enjoy the moments of pure communion with my Maker on a secluded island where peace abounds around me and in my soul.

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